Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Blogoversary, A Hundred Things and a Giveaway! Oh, Yeah, And Thousand Word Thursday.

Holy crow, that was a mouthful! (That's what she said!) First things first: Today is my Four-Year Blogoversary. Wow, You say! Well, not really, "Wow," more like "whoa," as in "whoa, there, Nelly! You got some 'splainin' to do...." Fine. Technically I started this blog four years ago. But here's the fine print:
As you can see, I wasn't an "active" blogger until just recently. But if four years is good enough for Blogger, then it's gotta be enough for everyone else, too. So enjoy the benefits, okay? Because you ARE going to benefit.

At least one of you will! I am going to have a giveaway to celebrate the good times I've had with the blog and with all of you. See, this blog has really done wonders for me. It has saved me thousands in therapy and maybe even saved my family. I needed something that I wasn't getting and this exercise in blogging has provided it in spades. It has given me a "job" that makes me feel needed and gratified, I have obligations now that don't revolve around another person's needs, I have more adult conversations, but I can still walk away to get other things done. The only thing that would make it better is a paycheck, but that I'm happy to do it without one speaks volumes.

To celebrate I am doing two things: I am posting one of those "100 things random things about me" lists. My list is getting exceedingly long, though, so I am just going to subject you to 50 today and then 50 tomorrow (God willing). I am also, on Carma's suggestion (thanks for the great idea, twitterfriend!!), doing a GIVEAWAY tomorrow for a $50 gift card to Sephora. Because, honestly ladies, if YOU don't look good, then I don't look good. And if you're a Bitchin' Wife, then you gotta look your best.

The rules for the giveaway are this: COMMENT, COMMENT, COMMENT. You will get a chance to win for every comment left on yesterday's, today's and Friday's post. Maximum ONE comment per day. You can earn another spot if you "favorite" my blog with that nifty little technorati button in the left sidebar, too, just leave me note in your comment that you did it.
Questions? Email me:

Now, here's my first 50 Things....
****Please, for the love of God, if you are family: DO NOT READ THE LIST!!!!**** (You'll be glad you didn't!!

1. I’ve always subscribed to the idea that it is worse for people NOT to talk about you behind your back.
2. I was raised Catholic, but converted to the Episcopal Church when I got married. Why? Because my parents wanted me to get married in a church and my husband refused to get married in a Catholic one. (I couldn’t be happier about the switch, though.)
3. My birth certificate name was Ann Mary, but my parents always called me Amy. (“Amy isn’t a saint’s name,” they reasoned.) This has been a huge pain in the arse my entire life… I finally just got rid of the last piece of identification (my expired passport) that had my old name on it. Yipee!
4. I once fell (or got pushed, depending on who’s side you believe) into a 500-gallon tank of milk.
5. I remember telling Terry Collins that he would “go to hell” for his sins, which consisted of being mean and swearing. We were in the second grade and I remember feeling very nervy telling him so.
6. At different times in my life I have wanted to be the President, a nun, a movie director, a rock star, a mom, a grandma, and a paid raconteur.
7. I used to read the dictionary for fun when I was a kid.
8. When I was five, there was a tragic calving on the farm that ended with the vet having to remove the head from one of the fetuses to get it out of the cow. In all my tough little farm girl glory (and in an effort to show my horrified visiting-from-Chicago grandma that it wasn’t so gross), I swaggered up and kicked the decapitated head with my bare foot. Years later, my mom revealed to me that Grandma wanted to bring me back to Chicago with her to raise because I was “turning into an animal.”
9. A few years ago, at a playground, I playfully referred to this adorable little boy that had a GIANT head as “SeƱor Bighead” only to be informed, very nicely, by the mom that they had just finished all this testing on him that determined he had macrocephaly (okay) and not hydrocephalus (bad). Phew—Even with the happy ending, I had to work on extracting my foot from my mouth for DAYS.
10. I’m a farm girl in reality, but never thought of myself like that. Even when I was little. Now, I am reconsidering.
11. I want to be spiritual…. But I don’t know how.
12. Bourbon is my drink of choice, preferably with diet Coke and a cherry.
13. If I drink any amount of alcohol and then smoke out, I will throw up. Like within 20 minutes. I figured this out in high school and have never been a fan since.
14. I hate shoe shopping.
15. I wear a size 10 and a half shoe. *sigh*
16. I love to host dinners & parties. Especially ones with themes.
17. I worked at a salmon-canning factory in Alaska for the five summers following high school.
18. My first love/infatuation (more infatuation because I only knew him for three weeks) was a former heroin addict who kicked his habit while incarcerated in LA County Jail for forging checks. I met him in Alaska, of course.
19. I was able to avoid a wholesale implosion in college because I had already gotten all the partying out of my system while attending Southwest Missouri State for the summer before my senior year in high school. SMS was never so sorry to host a program for “gifted” kids.
20. I’m pretty sure that I have a lower SAT score than any of my other friends at Northwestern. I still care.
21. When I was an exchange student in Spain in high school, I got incredible drunk and made out with the brother of a friend. He said lots of things to me that night, but all I understood was that he thought my blonde hair looked like an American movie star’s. My Spanish was so bad that I could only say, “Ha ha, gracias.” I really wanted to ask him if he needed glasses.
22. I have gotten into more stupid situations after drinking Long Island Iced Teas than I care to admit to. And each one is so egregious, I cannot even begin to confess to them. ;) Oh, fine, I'll confess ONE: After too many ice-t's I found myself (at 19) dancing with a 30+ year old fella that was cute, but balding. And a few inches shorter than me. And I kissed him! Whaaa??? How did that happen??
23. I started DJing at an oldies station when I was in high school. It was this job and a love for the movies that landed me at Northwestern in the radio/tv/film department.
24. I dj’d at WNUR (NU’s radio station) all four years that I was there. I worked on the Rock and StreetBeat shows… I put a lot more time into the rock show, but I always loved the dance music best.
25. My mom had me join Weight Watchers in the 5th grade because I was a little heavy. I can still remember those hideous diet lunches in my Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox. Yuck.
26. I hate it when people laugh uncontrollably at other people falling down. Only because my initial response is to gasp in fear that they are hurt.
27. I have only contemplated cheating on my husband once in the thirteen years that we have been together (and by “cheating” I only mean kissing!) .... I was incredibly drunk at the time ....We were on vacation ....And it was with a woman. (She was one of the most beautiful women I have ever met and, if Daddy-007 had asked nicely, I swear I would’ve let him come along for the ride. ;)
28. I got into college with an essay about why I was destined to be a star. Seriously. Northwestern has hopefully upped their standards since 1990.
29. I'm kind of a bitch first thing in the morning.
30. My vibrator scares me. I got it after a wildly enthusiastic recommendation from a friend, but didn’t consider how intimidating it would be to have a toy that needs to be plugged into the wall. Yikes!
31. I thought I was pretty darn good at Scrabble so I entered a local Scrabble tournament last year. I got my ass handed to me.
32. I used to go to Mexico for a yearly spa vacation with a friend, but we abused the open pharmacy policy (available in small towns) too much and had to stop.
33. I am a sore fucking loser. (See next entry for an example.)
34. I used to love racquetball, but I stopped playing when I was 19. After a girl in class offered to “help me” with some of the moves after she beat me so quickly and soundly we had 10 minutes to kill before all the other players finished their game.
35. My three giant babies did not do nice things to my body; this is why I had to have what the doctors call a “perineorraphy” and what advertisements call “vaginal rejuvenation.” I’m happy to report: It really works, ladies!
36. I feed off of compliments, but would hate to ever seem like I was fishing for them.
37. Some days I look in the mirror and see myself 30 pounds heavier than I actually am. I avoid the mirror on those days.
38. I took this awesome class my junior year in college that was, essentially, a bird-watching seminar.
39. I’ve been blessed with three great dogs in my life: Dolly (Pekingese), Oni (pug), and Austin (lab/mutt).
40. I know how to wind up wires so they don’t tangle when you unwind them.
41. I am not sure how I am ever going to come up with 59 more things for this list…
42. I used to have this awesome little green terrycloth short-suit that I wore all the time when I was 7 or 8…. even after my uncle started referring to me as the “Green Sausage” when I wore it.
43. That same uncle used to call me “Gamy Amy.”
44. He is still my favorite uncle!
45. A week after it happened, I found out that the first boy I ever made out with (in 8th grade) only did it because one of the other guys on the pep bus dared him to.
46. I had what amounted to a nervous breakdown when I was 23. It was brought on by a combination of too many responsibilities at my first job out of college, being broke and having a dentist botch three fillings that left me in constant pain.
47. I cured that breakdown by tagging along on my best friend’s family’s road trip to the Telluride Bluegrass Festival. It remains one of my favorite all-time vacations. And prompted me to get into real estate. Which led me to my amazing husband... :) Fate is amazing, isn't it?
48. I gained four pounds vacationing in Italy despite walking 15 miles a day.
49. Someday I want to stay at this little hotel that is on the edge of the gardens of Stourhead in England called the “Spread Eagle Inn.”
50. When my husband and I stay in a cheap motel we feel obliged to have the tawdriest sex we are capable of.

And for Thousand Word Thursday, here's a pic of me and Daddy-007 taken last May while at the Museum of Modern Art. Little did I know that that trip would set me on the trail of self-examination that brought be HERE to blog-land. Thanks a million, MoMA!!

Check out the awesome originator of the Thousand Word Thursday at Cheaper than Therapy, then go check out TheMomJen's new review site Therapeutic.
Cheaper Than Therapy


  1. I am noticing an alcohol theme here.

  2. You two are such an adorable couple!

    A nervous breakdown at 23? Sounds familiar.

  3. I can't understand why there aren't more comments because you, my dear, are a damn good writer.

    I laughed at #37 because that's so me. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the window walking into a store and think "Holy shit, who is that fat woman that's wearing my outfit?". Needless to say, we don't clothes shop on those days.

  4. Wow - this was a wonderfully long post! I too used to read the dictionary as a kid .. and - sshh! this is our little secret - I STILL do!

  5. I've not pressed the little Technocrati button and added you to my favourites. I have no idea what or who Sephora is though? Sounds like a Greek island...

  6. Bum - I meant, of course, that I HAVE added you to my favorites!! I have!

  7. Oh, that noise then? That was me crashing to the ground...I fell off the chair laughing when I read 007 wants his name changed to The Enforcer. LOL...seriously. Big tough guy, get your own blog!! Oh baby yeah as Austin Powers would say

    and you my lovely, you totally ROCK :) You had better be comin' to India. I can't stand doing that retreat without you.....

    I am so glad you blog. I love you to bits and wouldn't have been able to say that if you didn't's to another ten, 20, whatever...xoxoxoxo

  8. AAAAAND!!!

    Yeah i know this is comment 2. So sue me.

    Cloudia called me a "sprite" today...that means we're related now, it's official. Where's my prize?

  9. That was fantastic!! I loved them all, and am proud to say I read the WHOLE DAMN THING.


  10. I'm impressed! Some time and thought went into this one. I enjoyed learning more about you - I'm interested in that "perineorraphy" thing...

    Congratulations on four years, and the photo of you and your husband is great. You look so young in it!

  11. wow .. that's a amazing .. i can't write a 100 thing about myself ! never

  12. Green Sausage, I bet that it the first time a decapitated calf head appeared in a 50 things's all so oddly fascinating.
    I have added you to my Technorati favorites :D

  13. Congrats!! There's nothing I love more than reading about other bloggers' experiences with tawdry sex, drugs, and rock n' roll.

  14. Amazing post... I have no idea what I'm going to do for my 100th post now. Maybe I'll just skip it.

    SO glad to know ya!

  15. Sometimes you don't realize where the road will take you...

    Here's my Thousand Word Thursday post

  16. #48 - the story of my life. I went to Costa rica this winter and walked like 20 miles. I gained a pound. What the heck.

  17. Kristina: Oh, dear. Maybe in the next installment I'll mention that I don't drink much anymore. :)

    Bella: It's tough getting out of school and then having the real world crash down on you. :(

    Shel: I used to weigh 30 pounds more, so it is particularly disturbing on those days...

    LadyFi: Now that I am blogging every day, I use the dictionary CONSTANTLY. I love a great vocabulary on others, so I try to keep mine going. (FYI: If you are a true lover of words, as only a dictionary reader can be... Read Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. It is 1000 pages of pure etymological hijinx)

  18. Braja: LOL Yes, The Enforcer is PERFECT for him... and we used to always quote Austin Powers! AND As long as the dates are good, I will do everything in my power to get to Puri! AND I saw that comment where someone called you a Sprite and smiled with glee!

    VodkaMom: After Kristina's comment, I knew you'd be here and loving the post. ;) I think you and I would get along like a house afire.

    CSquared: Email me if you want to know more about that *clearing throat* you-know. :) And thanks! I feel like I shed a few years when I escape the children and get to act like a twenty-something again for a few days.

    Errant: I'm sure you could come up with 100!

    Carma: You mean most people have never gotten a chance to kick a calf's head? ;) Thanks for adding me to your technorati faves!

    Prefers her Fantasy: I'm nothing if not honest. :)

    Christine: You and I are going meet someday soon in Italy, I am sure of it! (And this list has been a tough one to get through, but none of us would be bloggers if we weren't able to pull out a 100 things, right?) You're great!!!

    Doublebanker: Ain't that the truth... p.s. I went to your site and there wasn't a picture up!

    Carolyn G: Sometimes we just can win for eatin'. ;)

  19. you just crack me up! your answers are great! love your pic too!

  20. Hey, congrats on the anniversary! Four years in blog years is, like, what? A thousand in human years?

    You look way younger than that.



    PS - Helluva list, lady! Love it!

  21. AND!!! That is a beeeeaauutiful photo of you my lovely :)))

  22. Bree: Thanks! On ALL counts! :)

    Anna: Hmm, a thousand years, huh? I'll have to start calling this my Millennial Post! And it will feel like you've been reading for a millennium after another 50 blasted things tomorrow. ;^)

    Braja: You are such a comment junkie!! Have you met Kristina P.? Kristina, Braja. Braja, Kristina. Kristina loves to GET comments on her blog and Braja loves to LEAVE multiple comments on posts. You two will hit it off!!

    (and Thanks!)

  23. First of all.. congrats!!! And I read the dictionary for fun as a kid too!! And now for the important stuff..

    I freakin' love Sephora!! Holy crap!! I gotta win this!(do I sound pathetic?? ) They have yummy Philoshy stuff!!

    I did the technorati thing.. though I don't understand what I just did!

    seriously, is there anyway I can persuade you to just let me win?? Maybe some flattery??

  24. Well, congratulations!! And, I think my fave on the list is #18. Every good gal needs a story like that!

    Oh, and happy ATWT, too!

  25. OMG...I am completely overwhelmed by your honesty...I LOVE YOU...seriously! Happy ATWT!

  26. Gorgeous photo of the two of you!! Great list and fun contest! Woot! Thanks for the shout out on my little review blog!

  27. You're very attractive, aren't you?!

    I can't believe I read all 100. I didn't think I would, and then suddenly I was done. You've had a fascinating life!


  28. That was entirely entertaining! You are a most interesting person that has had more than her fair share of drinks throughout her life. However, had this alcohol not been consumed, your list of 50 things would be so much less interesting. ;)

  29. Wow Amy!! Great happy awesome photo of you and your ENFORCER dude!! That was a fascinating list filled with varied unpredictable things about you! I'm not sure why but I laughed about you getting your ass handed to you at that Scrabble tournament. That really cracked me up. You seem like such a Scrabble chick but I KNOW there are insane wordy people out there.

    So onward you go to make blogging history as you surpass 100 posts, 100 followers, 100 days (actually many more with that four years) and hopefully 100 bucks!!

    Nice to have "met" you out here in white land. (my little pet name for bloggyville)...there sure is a lot of white out here know?

    Happy Anniversary chica!!

  30. Barely had time to read this let alone come up with a comment. Will be back. Look at your blog taking off vvvvvvvvvvrrrrooooom!

  31. Oh, how I adore you! And this list. Wonderful, wonderful stuff. Can't wait to catch the other 50.

    And am I the only one that's going to admit to looking up racontuer? The difference between an English Major and a Journalism Major.

    (I technoratied you :-) - hope that didn't hurt, you know, with your proceedure and all.

    Happy Blogoversary!

  32. Such a handsome couple. I would never admit to what Long Islands have led me to do!!!!

  33. Happy Blogoversary! First of all, you are so pretty! Second of all, I thought I was the only one who read the dictionary! Nerds unite!

  34. You, my friend, have lived an interesting life!
    And your hubby is cute!

  35. “I had to work on extracting my foot from my mouth for DAYS.” I will use that someday somewhere, and I am not going to give you credit for it. I swear (and the hell with that Sephora stuff!)

    Did Terry Collins go to hell? Just curious, because after stealing that sentence from you without giving credit to you am not sure where you will send me. I am just sayin’.

    You are hilarious, amusing, comical, convivial, entertaining, exhilarating, funny, gleeful, glorious… see, I not only read the dictionary constantly, the thesaurus is on my nightstand. Heck, I wouldn’t have too if only I had a speck of your wit and word-artistry!

  36. You look so purty in that pic. Neglecting my kids again. No time to myself with 2yearold sick this week.

    Anyway, great and super interesting list. Can't wait to see the second half! Oddly, my last wv was "wifey" Too perfect!

  37. Brooks: Thanks!

    Kel: Shameless flattery and self-promotion usually works on me :) but I gotta keep it fair and square this time! (And take some notes from April, below)

    Four Letre: #18... sigh... I reduced him to so little in that blurb but he was really an insanely cool, smart, hot guy.

    April: Thank you so much! I love you... too?

    The Mom: Thanks!

    Pearl & Blueviolet: Hmmm. Am I attractive? And would my life be totally boring without booze??

    Lee: I'm so glad to have met you! And thank you for the kind words... We are definitely all in this together!

    Rants: Ugh-- hope your little cutie gets better soon! And, yeah, "Wifey" might be perfect! I'd like a plot summation of that Judy Blume book of the same name before I agree to anything! ;-)

    E.M: Actually, it didn't hurt much at all. :) It was 100% worth it, in fact! And I LOL'd that you looked up raconteur... I like that word because it makes me think more of Truman Capote telling a great story vs. "storyteller" which makes me think of the folktale storytellers at the local antique festival. (Not that they aren't great-- it's just not my vibe.)

    Proud Mommy: I toned down that one after my husband gave me this panicked-raised-eyebrow look and said, "I do NOT need to know any details about THAT." LOL... yes, those secrets will stay in the vault! ;)

    Petra: Thanks! Yes: nerds unite!!!

    Joanie: I think he's pretty hot. ;)

    Fida: You just made my night with your fancifully complete list of synonyms for "life of the party." THANK YOU!!

  38. I love you, you crack me up again & again! I actually read every single item in this post & I did notice something.....your most awful experiences happened along with some liquid cunsumption. Could there be a connection? Hm? Ha!

  39. Brenda Susan: Sherlock, I do believe you're on to something! ;^)

  40. That was a terrific list!! I LOFFED it. You're writing always makes everything so interesting!

  41. Sephora must be one of my most favorite places in the world...I love it!

  42. Senor Bighead...nice. It's funny though because it wasn't me.

    I'll have you know that I check to see if someone is okay before laughing at them after they fall.

  43. I am am demanding a blog on the 500 gallon tank of milk incident...seriously

  44. So I stopped by here the other day when I didn't have enough time to comment today I noted the editing of your picture and laughed. What's a girl to do right?

  45. I put off reading your 100 posts 'til the weekend when I could just sit back and enjoy. Unfortunately, it is YOU I enjoy and not the 46 comments before me, so I have no idea what everyone else said! I am LOVING getting to know you, your Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox, your favorite uncle who didn't seem to scar you for life, your super experience-filled life so far, and your complete and utter honesty about EVERYTHING. Can't wait to read the next one!

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Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.