Monday, January 31, 2011

An Eight Year-Old's Relationship With Vegetables: It's Complicated

I had an enlightening conversation with my son Destructo over lunch the other day.  Apparently, he has been working out his relationship to various vegetables and thought I should have a primer.  As I have been re-working my relationship to certain vegetables since getting diagnosed with UC, I thought it was brilliant. 

Destructo: Mom, what's a nemesis?

Me: It's kind of like an enemy. (No need to get complicated and explain that it is the means by which someone's downfall is brought about. He is only eight, after all.)

Destructo: I thought so. Do you want to know what my nemesis is? 

Me: Sure. (It might be helpful to know this in the future.)

Destructo: The brussel sprout is my nemesis.  Do you want to know what is my frenemy?

Me: Most assuredly. I need to know where you heard the term "frenemy" first, though.

Destructo: My frenemy is the onion. Because I eat it in lots of things and like it. But I hate it raw. 

Me: Good point. 

Destructo: Broccoli is my friend. 

Me: Broccoli likes you, too. Mostly because your brothers are so mean to it, I think.

Destructo: Do you want to know what my arch-enemy is? 

Me: You're going to tell me either way, right?

Destructo: My arch-enemy is... the eggplant. 

Me:  Hmmm. You'll change your mind about that someday. You might not change it about your nemesis the brussel sprout, but the eggplant can actually be pretty nice.

Destructo: You know what my hero is? SOUR PICKLES. ...Mom? I miss pickles like we used to have at home.

Me: sigh... Me, too. Claussen pickles are the absolute best.

Destructo: Not just the best, they're my heroes. 

For the record, brussel sprouts are now my nemesis. Along with all cruciferous vegetables, actually. Maybe someday my bad stomach will allow them back onto my plate, but they are nothing but trouble for me right now.  

In other news: Chocolate remains my friend and hummus has been upgraded to BFF status. Spinach is my frenemy, adored when fresh and reviled when frozen. I'd forgotten how awful frozen spinach is until a few days ago when I made it for dinner and ended up having to plug my nose and wash it down with a drink, same as the kids. My husband was appalled, but it was truly gag-worthy.  

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Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.