Tuesday, December 08, 2009

RTT: Fashion Shows and Fat Pants (Past)

Ah, Random Tuesday! How I love thee.... You bring me the opportunity to just spew forth whatever I am thinking without having to worry about explaining myself.

Except when I do worry about it. Which I am doing now.

[wringing hands]

I am actually excited to post the video of the fashion show I participated in last week. You know, the one that kept me offline and running around all hours rehearsing, going to fittings, and generally crowing about how alternately excited and exhausted I was. Everyone involved put in a ton of effort and time to pull off the whole event and it ended up making great money for the school's new music room, I am pleased to report.

As a blogger, of course I edited together some bits of me, assuming you didn't want to watch the full hour-plus footage of all of us (seven other moms plus sixteen 4-11 year-olds!)cat-walking about.... But four minutes of me (it sounds excessive, yes, but I wanted a piece from each song!), plus a random troll that keeps leaving comments about how full of myself I am (how dare she!?), has me feeling a little awkward about posting such an Amy-centric video about me (even though I see stars shooting out of that word!).

I know, I know, my narcissism usually knows no bounds, right? But I'm also having my period, so I'm fragile. Just hold me.... it will pass. ;)

(be sure to keep reading below the video for some exposition on perceived egotism and body image)



Would my ebullience and delight about this make it more palatable if I told you a background story?

I've never sounded off on body issues in this forum before, but have at least three drafts in my posts folder that I have started and then left to simmer indefinitely. I can imagine, after watching the video above, that you are thinking, right now: 'SHUT UP, Amy... what do YOU know about weight issues??"

Well, let me enlighten you: I used to be 35 pounds heavier. It wasn't a case of just putting on weight since having children. It was a case of, I chunked up in the 3rd grade and remained about 20 pounds overweight for the next 23 years. I've always been a big girl. Part of my identity was built around being heavy and big-boned. I have stories of going to Weight Watchers with my mom... when I was in the FIFTH grade, for crissakes! I thought I would be big for the rest of my life and never even really bothered to try and lose weight. I mean, I still did the yearly try-and-drop-10-pounds-diet that every woman is supposed to start in January, but I just assumed that even though I might be able to shave off a few pounds, it wouldn't really make a difference. It didn't bother me too, too much, though, because I thought I was pretty great the way I was, anyway. (Certainly that doesn't surprise you....) But I was certainly never comfortable in tight clothing, bathing suits, or even being naked in front of my husband. And that just ain't right, folks. :(

I think it was the very real prospect of soon passing the 200 mark on the scale that finally got my ass into a gym and going to Weight Watchers meetings religiously. (I saw that milestone while pregnant and it is not one I care to pass again, thankyouverymuch.) I had started doing some of my shopping in Lane Bryant, as a 14 just wasn't as roomy as I liked my clothes to feel.... so I was definitely alarmed that perhaps I had become too complacent about the whole matter.

For the two years following Destructo's birth I made it my job to lose the weight. (And I am fully aware that the luxury of being able to stay home with the kids and that I could afford a gym membership that included childcare made it possible to use that mindset.) It was hard work retraining my patterns and cooking rituals, but the payoff was so huge and worth it.

Since losing the weight, I feel like I am at the top of my game. Part of that is from the confidence of knowing I look better now than I did when I was younger. My face may be starting to sag, with wrinkles coming in all over the place, and my breasts might be a shadow of their former selves....

But, damn, that size 10 looks and feels good. And since I never knew what that felt like in my teens or twenties, you better believe I am going to relish every moment that I can feel that good about a dress size now.

So, you can go suckit, troll.

randomtuesday

25 comments:

  1. Yeah troll, suck it!!!


    Good on you Amy!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congrats on loosing weight! You've got the game now, baby!!:):):)

    Happy Randomness!! mine's up too:)

    ReplyDelete
  3. GREAT WORK AMY!!
    You really did a great job and the troll can suck it! The troll is probably crazy jealous over you because YOU ROCK!! And trolls Don't rock they just crawl under them!!

    SO this random Tuesday thing...is that go for everyone? Because I could get a little crazy with that one!!

    YOU KILLED IT ON THE RUNWAY LADY!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. OMG you look amazing and everyone did a great job. You looked very comfortable up there. Screw the troll proud of you losing weight is really hard.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Amy, you have the right to be proud of and feel good about yourself now.
    Breast size makes no real difference to our lovers anyway, it's how we make love...

    Secretia

    ReplyDelete
  6. SCHAWING!!....You rocked those hats lady...and seriously? Were we sisters in a previous life? B/c that post (ok minus the childbirthing part & being naked in front of my hubby) could have been mine! Except it would have been 4th grade for me...and my mom is a skinny biahtch...good for you, looks like you had a blast :) bisous.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think no matter what your body size or shape something happens after you have children. It has done something miraculous and you can't help but be in awe. That and you rocked the catwalk!

    ReplyDelete
  8. … and you do your little turn on the catwalk…

    Good for you! And congratulations on staying fit. Who needs a runway show— all you need is the confidence.

    Thanks for your randomness,

    ReplyDelete
  9. The video was completely AWESOME! I have NEVER seen such a cool PTA group, with women not only looking fabulous, but having a good time AND shaking their groove thang.
    LOVE IT!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think you look fabulous and congrats on such a sensible and spectacular weight loss!

    ReplyDelete
  11. SOOOOO lovely darling!!

    And MAJORMAJORMAJOR props to you for losing the weight! I'm having a lack of motivation myself.

    I was always a trim girl(but with curves...very marilyn monroe) and I kept that way into my early 20s thanks to playing women's rugby in college...HEY TROLL, ARE YOU READING THIS??? I WAS HAWT!! WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT HUH!?!

    Now, married, graduated college which means the rugby days are over (plus there's no club in my are to join) means 30 pounds I'm dying to get rid of...sans self-discipline.

    Le sigh...YOU ARE MY HERO HOTTIE MCSWEETCHEEKS!!

    Also, tell your troll to bring it because I think you have quite a little army right here willing to back you up!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. The fact the GORGEOUS & SKINNY you has dealt with Weight Watchers in 5th grade makes me love you even more. Been there, done that. You are my new inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  13. How fun! You look great! julie

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hate that troll. But you have no reason to listen to her. And that white gown was a killer.

    Been to weight watchers. Know people who have been to weight watchers. You have every reason to be proud.

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am crying because

    A) I'm exhausted
    B) I miss you terribly
    C) I adore this post
    D) I am so proud of you
    E) That video rocked
    F) You have a troll and I don't ;)

    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm here because Ann told me to come and I do what she says. ;) Really, though - this post is great. I'm another Madison mama, and after hearing Ann and Maggie rave about you, I'm bummed I didn't get to meet you while you were still here.

    Good for you for working your ass off, by the way. It takes a lot of work, and you should be proud of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Damn, lady, you can work a hat! And some dance moves! You are a beautiful woman, and I respect the hard work you put into making yourself healthy and happy. I think...no, I know...how it can feel to be so very unhappy in your skin. I am one who has a few of those draft posts sitting in my blog roster, unpublished. You really do have to make it a job, and it's one of those jobs that can be so rewarding when you see those payoffs emerge.

    You definitely look beautiful and comfortable in spirit and body.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh you bitchin' wife you!!

    Amy - you. are. awesome!!! You make ME wanna rock a fashion show you are soooooo inspiring!!

    You are gorgeous and brave and confident and the fact that you can look so comfortable in those English hats just blows me away!!

    Miss you stateside but so happy to see that you are takin' the English countryside by storm....

    :-)

    Lee

    ReplyDelete
  19. You are way too cool for the Brits. Come back! Loved the video.

    Cheers,

    SLC

    ReplyDelete
  20. Everything Ann said. And more. I just can't find the words.

    Love you so much, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Okay - something is wrong with my computer and I can't watch videos. I'm annoyed since I really loved what you wrote here.

    I joined "Spa Lady" with my mom when I was a high school freshman - so I can relate to worrying about weight like a woman when you're only a girl. My weight has gone up and down over the years - but like you, I think I look consistently better now than I ever did in my beer and late night food-chubby 20s.

    I also think that people who go to the trouble to accuse others of being "full of themselves" should probably spend a little less time worrying about everyone else and doing some serious work on their own self confidence.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You look hawt, lady! You SHOULD be proud.

    Also, troll, it's a blog. OF COURSE it's about Amy. Duh.

    ReplyDelete
  23. WOW... you looked amazing & were having such a good time... You go girl! : )

    ReplyDelete
  24. That is wonderful that you have lost weight and feel wonderful about yourself. I asked for a spin cycle for Christmas, so I hope to not shop at Lane Bryant any longer in a year's time.

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.