Did I mention that I am going to be in a play?
Oh! I didn't?!
(Well, that doesn't sound like me!) No, I must've mentioned it, at least in passing....
Oh, yeah, that's right!! I did. I even posted a ludicrous video of me practicing the song! I remember now.
Well, I got the part! Rehearsals have been underway for the last month and we've been spending the time learning all the songs that are going to be part of the big group finale, as well as going over the staging for the opening song that everyone will be in. I've been practicing my song, singing in the house, the car, and the fields and running my lines with the ever-obliging Daddy-007.
Last Thursday I finally got a chance to practice my solo song with the pianist! I had been telling my new friends about what terrible stage fright I get and how nervous I am about singing in front of everyone and that I hope I do okay, blah blah blah... Because, honestly, the last time I performed in a play was in high school and I was positively racked with stage fright. Diarrhea, trembling, shaky voice; the whole bit! I also said that my love of karaoke (whilst being perceived as a slightly pathetic past-time, usually reserved for miserable creatures with bad voices and delusions of grandeur), had done wonders for boosting my confidence singing in front of people. Anyway, the director called for a break and then asked if I wanted to run through my number while most of the people were out of the room. I thanked her for the consideration and went over to the piano with her (the director) and her husband who co-wrote the play and who is a musical-type (i.e. he was the fiddler in last year's production of Fiddler on the Roof). The piano started and I just launched into the song with gusto and pretty fairly nailed it. The pianist even added a repeat to the last chorus so I could do one those fabulous, American Idol-type crescendo bits to the ending line of "My looo-ooooooove von't vait!!!!!!!" (Remember that I am singing It's Now or Never), in the character of a former WWII-era, Polish-Russian, French-Cabaret stripper now-married to the vicar of the wee village that the murder mystery is set in. ;)
I was giddy, enjoying my little moment in the spotlight. But then immediately uncomfortable.
I realized that I must've just come off as the biggest fraud in the world! Where was the stage fright?? Where were my nerves??? (None here, I think they all got scared off by that high note....)
So, that leaves, ...what? False modesty?
So, now I am either 1.) Totally deluded and really stank up the entire number and none of my friends are saying anything because they are protecting my feelings, or 2.) They are like, "What has she been going on about? F**king primadonna.", or 3.) I really am insecure and needy and want the praise that isn't being given to me by them because they all think that I obviously know I have a nice voice and why should they feed my ego by saying anything about it.
And so the spiral of self-doubt and over-analyzing begins.
I'm sure that it is nothing, but won't our minds overwork a scenario when left with nothing else to worry about? Seriously, I need the internet to keep my mind off this kind of stuff!!
I'll just have to continue walking that fine line of keeping up the blog for my sanity while limiting my on-line time while the kids are home and away for my sanity.
One more thing: I swear I'm not drunk, but I love you guys! I really appreciated the supportive comments and good ideas for how to keep myself away from the distractions that all your amazing blogs provide. Now, if I could just ween myself off twitter.... (Pshaaaaw! Right. Never!!!)
p.s. In spite of my love for you, I am also going to admonish you for not informing me of Oprah's Karaoke Challenge that I somehow missed! Tragedy!! I coulda been a contendah....!!!
p.p.s. Did someone say delusional?