Friday, October 09, 2009

Dear So and So

Dear Grumpy Old Man Standing By the Hedgerow,

I can sense from your subtle glares and the way you are lurking about clutching your cup of coffee with white knuckled ferocity that you disapprove of my using your neighbor's driveway to turn around. I appreciate your tenacity in remaining outdoors, in the cold and damp weather, to watch in silence while I unbuckle my toddler and slowly convince him that leaving his two Matchbox cars in his seat is a much better idea than bringing them into preschool. I'm sure that it was only boredom and disgust that finally prompted you to give up your mission to verbally accost me with the road rules of English hamlet turnabouts, but no matter what it was, I thank you for not being there when I finally looked up from my toddler extrication maneuvers.


The Bitchin' Wife


Dear Children of My Loins,

I am on to you. Each and every one of you.

Always Watching,

Your Bitchin' Mom


Dear Hackers of the Interwebz,

I am no longer able to resist the siren song of your promised rule-bending via ISOs and downloaded bits of code! I have tried to walk the straight and narrow. I have honestly put my best efforts into only downloading or streaming through legitimate sources and by paying my fair share. However, in the face of moving overseas to a country that uses a different kind of tv (PAL vs NTSC), different region codes for games, and that just makes it generally difficult to access all of one's favorite shows in America has prompted me to get creative.

And you, my dear, clever hackers, are nothing if not creative.

Thank you for all your thoughtful program writing, download points, tutorials, and general glee in circumventing "the man" and his petty rules.


The Bitchin' Mediaphile


Dear Pheasant That Has Recently Moved to My Garden,

I can see that you are a lovely specimen. But every time you strut by, showing off your elegant plumage and vibrant colors, I wonder how it is possible that you could sound so much like a turkey when you open your beak.


The Bitchin' Birdwatcher

And P.S. Do you think you could make yourself useful and eat some of those slugs that are currently marauding my garden? Thanks, dearie.

Dear So and So...

This is my first time participating in Kat's clever meme. Thanks, compatriot!!


  1. You need to get the Kate Fox book "Watching The English", well worth the read. Also, Pheasants are completely awesome aren't they. I love them.

    Oh and I need to find the Hackers as well. My kids want all kinds of UK spec games and DVD's and I don't feel like forking out the money for 3 years of entertainment.

  2. Ah yes, the ability of the English to STRONGLY disapprove of people borrowing other peoples drives to turn around. Never mind that the road is completely impassable otherwise. But don't worry, the English won't actually say anything, that would be far too rude. So, you'll just develop the ability to ignore the dagger stares like the rest of us do!

  3. Breakin' the law

    I just thought you needed a theme song to go with this post

    have a great weekend

    Peace - Rene

  4. I thought that was pretty nice!

    Secretia (Secret Story Time)

  5. and an excellent first Dear So and So post it was!

  6. What can I say? That was bitchin'!

  7. Fantastic first Dear So and So! Feel better? Will we see you next week? I hope so!

  8. I can just see that grumpy bastard peering over the hedge.

    Hilarious Meme.


  9. Dear Amy Lalala,

    I had to dump Skype to free up room on my computer. :( Please teach me how to manage my file storage space better, particularly my startup disk space, so that I can see your lovely face again soon.


  10. I thought you might also tell that pheasant that he would look good under glass, with a nice balsamic reduction, if he didn't start pulling his weight around the garden.

  11. I liked the Bitchin' Mom. Do you give them the stink eye when you say it?

  12. I glared at someone using my drive (and part of my lawn, but whatever) to turn around and it turned out to be one of my friends dropping something off for me.


  13. That was soooooooo funny!!!! :)))

  14. As long as you don't start writing notes to the Pheasant Plucker's son....


Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.