As I have spent little to no time writing this past week, I am going to recycle the Mother-of-All-100-things-about-me lists. I wrote it to celebrate my 100th post at the beginning of this year and see in my little blogger window that I am at (approximately) my 300th post now, so why not?
****Please, for the love of God, if you are family: DO NOT READ THE LIST!!!!**** (You'll be glad you didn't.)
1. I’ve always subscribed to the idea that it is worse for people NOT to talk about you behind your back.
2. I was raised Catholic, but converted to the Episcopal Church when I got married. Why? Because my parents wanted me to get married in a church and my husband refused to get married in a Catholic one. (I couldn’t be happier about the switch, though.)
3. My birth certificate name was Ann Mary, but my parents always called me Amy. (“Amy isn’t a saint’s name,” they reasoned.) This has been a huge pain in the arse my entire life… I finally just got rid of the last piece of identification (my expired passport) that had my old name on it. Yippee!
4. I once fell (or got pushed, depending on who’s side you believe) into a 500-gallon tank of milk.
5. I remember telling Terry Collins that he would “go to hell” for his sins, which consisted of being mean and swearing. We were in the second grade and I remember feeling very nervy telling him so.
6. At different times in my life I have wanted to be the President, a nun, a movie director, a rock star, a mom, a grandma, and a paid raconteur.
7. I used to read the dictionary for fun when I was a kid.
8. When I was five, there was a tragic calving on the farm that ended with the vet having to remove the head from one of the fetuses to get it out of the cow. In all my tough little farm girl glory (and in an effort to show my horrified visiting-from-Chicago grandma that it wasn’t so gross), I swaggered up and kicked the decapitated head with my bare foot. Years later, my mom revealed to me that Grandma wanted to bring me back to Chicago with her to raise because I was “turning into an animal.”
9. A few years ago, at a playground, I playfully referred to this adorable little boy that had a GIANT head as “Señor Bighead” only to be informed, very nicely, by the mom that they had just finished all this testing on him that determined he had macrocephaly (okay) and not hydrocephalus (bad). Phew—Even with the happy ending, I had to work on extracting my foot from my mouth for DAYS.
10. I’m a farm girl in reality, but never thought of myself like that. Even when I was little. Now, I am reconsidering.
11. I want to be spiritual…. But I don’t know how.
12. Bourbon is my drink of choice, preferably with diet Coke and a cherry.
13. If I drink any amount of alcohol and then smoke out, I will throw up. Like within 20 minutes. I figured this out in high school and have never been a fan since.
14. I hate shoe shopping.
15. I wear a size 10 and a half shoe. *sigh*
16. I love to host dinners & parties. Especially ones with themes.
17. I worked at a salmon-canning factory in Alaska for the five summers following high school.
18. My first love/infatuation (more infatuation because I only knew him for three weeks) was a former heroin addict who kicked his habit while incarcerated in LA County Jail for forging checks. I met him in Alaska, of course.
19. I was able to avoid a wholesale implosion in college because I had already gotten all the partying out of my system while attending Southwest Missouri State for the summer before my senior year in high school. SMS was never so sorry to host a program for “gifted” kids.
20. I’m pretty sure that I have a lower SAT score than any of my other friends at Northwestern. I still care about this.
21. When I was an exchange student in Spain in high school, I got incredible drunk and made out with the brother of a friend. He said lots of things to me that night, but all I understood was that he thought my blonde hair looked like an American movie star’s (como una estrella). My Spanish was so bad that I could only say, “Ha ha, gracias.” I really wanted to ask him if he needed glasses.
22. I have gotten into more stupid situations after drinking Long Island Iced Teas than I care to admit to. And each one is so egregious, I cannot even begin to confess to them. ;) Oh, fine, I'll confess ONE: After too many ice-t's I found myself (at 19) dancing with a 30+ year old fella that was cute, but balding. And a few inches shorter than me. And I kissed him! Whaaa??? How did that happen??
23. I started DJing at an oldies station when I was in high school. It was this job and a love for the movies that landed me at Northwestern in the radio/tv/film department.
24. I dj’d at WNUR (NU’s radio station) all four years that I was there. I worked on the Rock and StreetBeat shows… I put a lot more time into the rock show, but I always loved the dance music best.
25. My mom had me join Weight Watchers in the 5th grade because I was a little heavy. I can still remember those hideous diet lunches in my Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox. Yuck.
26. I hate it when people laugh uncontrollably at other people falling down. Only because my initial response is to gasp in fear that they are hurt.
27. I have only contemplated cheating on my husband once in the thirteen years that we have been together (and by “cheating” I only mean kissing!) .... I was incredibly drunk at the time ....We were on vacation ....And it was with a woman. (She was one of the most beautiful women I have ever met and, if Daddy-007 had asked nicely, I swear I would’ve let him come along for the ride. ;)
28. I got into college with an essay about why I was destined to be a star. Seriously. Northwestern has hopefully upped their standards since 1990.
29. I'm kind of a bitch first thing in the morning.
30. My vibrator scares me. I got it after a wildly enthusiastic recommendation from a friend, but didn’t consider how intimidating it would be to have a toy that needs to be plugged into the wall. Yikes!
31. I thought I was pretty darn good at Scrabble so I entered a local Scrabble tournament last year. I got my ass handed to me.
32. I used to go to Mexico for a yearly spa vacation with a friend, but we abused the open pharmacy policy (available in small towns) too much and had to stop.
33. I am a sore fucking loser. (See next entry for an example.)
34. I used to love racquetball, but I stopped playing when I was 19. After a girl in class offered to “help me” with some of the moves after she beat me so quickly and soundly we had 10 minutes to kill before all the other players finished their game.
35. My three giant babies did not do nice things to my body; this is why I had to have what the doctors call a “perineorraphy” and what advertisements call “vaginal rejuvenation.” I’m happy to report: It really works, ladies!
36. I feed off of compliments, but would hate to ever seem like I was fishing for them.
37. Some days I look in the mirror and see myself 30 pounds heavier than I actually am. I avoid the mirror on those days.
38. I took this awesome class my junior year in college that was, essentially, a bird-watching seminar.
39. I’ve been blessed with three great dogs in my life: Dolly (Pekingese), Oni (pug), and Austin (lab/mutt).
40. I know how to wind up wires, cables, and cords so they don’t tangle when you unwind them.
41. I am not sure how I am ever going to come up with 59 more things for this list…
42. I used to have this awesome little green terrycloth short-suit that I wore all the time when I was 7 or 8…. even after my uncle started referring to me as the “Green Sausage” when I wore it.
43. That same uncle used to call me “Gamy Amy.”
44. He is still my favorite uncle!
45. A week after it happened, I found out that the first boy I ever made out with (in 8th grade) only did it because one of the other guys on the pep bus dared him to. Fucking loser.
46. I had what amounted to a nervous breakdown when I was 23. It was brought on by a combination of too many responsibilities at my first job out of college, being broke and having a dentist botch three fillings that left me in constant pain.
47. I cured that breakdown by tagging along on my best friend’s family’s road trip to the Telluride Bluegrass Festival. It remains one of my favorite all-time vacations. And prompted me to get into real estate. Which led me to my amazing husband... :) Fate is amazing, isn't it?
48. I gained four pounds vacationing in Italy despite walking 15 miles a day.
49. Someday I want to stay at this little hotel that is on the edge of the gardens of Stourhead in England called the “Spread Eagle Inn.”
50. When my husband and I stay in a cheap motel we feel obliged to have the tawdriest sex we are capable of.
51. I am a not-so-closeted rockstar and treat most situations accordingly.
52. I like to joke about it, but in all seriousness, my middle child who has ADHD really is the easiest of my three boys.
53. I was so nervous the first time I signed up to sing a karaoke song that I had a total irritable bowel moment in the bathroom beforehand. I sang “Walkin’ After Midnight” by Patsy Cline.
54. Speaking of, I have a terrible gastrointestinal system. It’s always something with that darn GI tract.
55. And speaking of that, my husband “spot-welded” me on one of our first dates. If you don’t know what that is: well, more power to ya’. ☺
56. When I spot-welded him back at a later time I was MORTIFIED when I really let one rip on him. I swear I thought it was going to be just a little tiny one!
57. I think that Paris, even if you’re there just for a weekend, really is magical.
58. My husband and I went to St. Bart’s for our honeymoon. We didn’t see a single famous person; instead we avoided the Russian mafia that had taken over half the island for some kind of vodka-soaked celebration.
59. I have had TWO passport mishaps at airports and one run-in with a customs agent in Aruba.
60. When I was 17 a friend and I went to see a psychic together. A lot of the things she told me have come true. Except for the one about having a daughter. (I still can’t help believing that someday, somehow an amazing daughter who will be like a best friend will come into my life!)
61. I was the first of most of my friends (and all of my siblings) to get married. I loved our wedding but I wish we could have a do-over that would be a lot less formal.
62. I used to play Scrabble on the computer at 2 am when I was up breast-feeding my first son. Thank you, Baby Boppy!
63. I dressed up as a hillbilly hooker one year for Halloween when I was in middle school. *cringe*
64. I ate Chinese take-out for dinner at least once a week for the entire length of my third pregnancy.
65. I got my nose pierced in college and then had it re-pierced when I joined the Junior League (to rebel against what I viewed as a voluntary initiation into Stepford). I let it close again within six months, though, when I grew up and realized that The Junior League of Madison is actually pretty cool.
66. I am of the opinion that Italy and St. Bart’s have the best food in the world.
67. I love a great cake more than anything else in the world.
68. I’ve never lived alone, but I am not a co-dependent kind of person.
69. Lordy, this list is going on and on….
70. I started smoking at 17 and didn’t give it up for good until after my second child was born (and NO I didn’t smoke while pregnant). I still crave them when I drink sometimes.
71. I only overindulge with the drinks now about once a quarter. It is too hard to get up with the kids in the morning with even a slight hangover! And when I say slight, I mean the kind that even one glass of wine will give me. Ugh.
72. I still can’t believe that I got diagnosed with ADD. Really???
73. An all-body unitard worn under my outfit (to ward off the chill of an evening of high school football watching) is the only thing that saved my virginity one night when I ended up on a deserted road, in a parked car, with the boy I’d had a crush on for years. Thank goodness for difficult undergarments and clumsy high school kids. ☺
74. I’ve gotten 7-10 speeding tickets in my 20 year driving history.
75. I’m not a big fan of candy, but I LOVE M&Ms on popcorn. Especially at the movies.
76. I lost 35 pounds after having my second baby. The key to curbing my hunger was a bag of that 94% fat free popcorn every day as I made dinner (my worst snacking time) and working out at least 4 times a week.
77. I am a big fan of doing nothing, but I always have a blast when I get talked into doing something.
78. I hate the idea of crowds, but never seem to actually mind them when I'm in one.
79. I hate waiting in line.
80. I love cooking almost as much as I love making someone happy by feeding him or her great food.
81. I struggle with the whole religion thing.
82. Even though it was just a tiny little blip, I am over the moon that I got mentioned in a Pogue’s Post (David Pogue is the technology writer in the NY Times) today! Squeeeaaal!!! Find it here: http://tinyurl.com/cttf4b It has to do with twitter and one of my tweets (along with about 40 other ones) got put up. (Follow Up: I just received my signed copy of his new twitter book with my tweet in it!
83. I have a tendency to wait for things to kind of just come along or fall in my lap. I am out of practice in the “making things happen” part of my life or career.
84. I took a week-long photography course in Missoula, Montana in June. I want to bump my photography to the next level and see where it takes me.
85. I gave some serious consideration to applying for a job as a karaoke DJ a few months ago, but then chickened out.
86. I love to go out dancing. It pisses me off that there aren't any dance clubs out there for the 30 to 40-something crowd. I do a majority of my dancing at the gym in a BodyStep class now. It's great, but it just isn't the same as a club.
87. It sounds stupid, but I think that Beyoncé song, “If I Were a Boy,” is the God’s honest truth. Seriously, guys get away with so much and girls let them do it. Grrrr.
88. I acknowledge that I am leading a blessed, charmed, whatever you want to call it, life but am sad that it has made me into a pretty spoiled woman.
89. But I don’t feel spoiled when I have to wear my coat around the house because the thermostat is set to 62˙ (yes, that is a new setting that went into effect a few days ago – brrrrrrr).
90. My current career goals are divided between wanting to be a librarian, a writer, and a photographer.
91. Every time I stop by The Pioneer Woman’s website I wonder how many people work on it to make it that amazing. Seriously, she couldn’t possibly do all that writing, cooking, home-schooling and photography herself. (I know there are contributors to the photography stuff, before you point that out.) (And what about that newly re-done lodge they just finished?! What kind of ranch do they live on to make that kind of money?!?) It is a truly gorgeous site.
92. I only started drinking coffee in my 30s. I added a second cup to my day sometime after finishing breastfeeding my third baby.
93. None of my babies slept through the night until they were over a year old. By the time the third one rolled around, I just resigned myself to catching up on my sleep some time in 2012.
94. I truly believe that if I was 15 years younger I could make it onto American Idol. But I would crash and burn during during Hollywood Week.
95. Even though I am wracked with self-doubt on occasion, I have what some would call a “healthy” ego.
96. I need laughter: not just a guffaw or a chuckle, I am talking about those big, deep laughs that you can’t control or keep quiet and threaten to make you pee your pants because you are laughing so hard. I actually feel like I am withering on the vine if I don’t get that kind of laughter for awhile.
97. I am constantly amazed by how much my family needs me.
98. I am constantly amazed at how much I love being needed.
99. My family used to go on canoe trips all the time when we were kids. One trip I was riding in the middle of the canoe with my dad in the back and my brother in the front and our canoe went under a low hanging branch. As I reached out to lift it so it would hit my head about 20 spiders fell out of the tree onto me. I screamed and stood up quickly, brushing them off me because I am terrified of spiders. Unfortunately the act of standing up sent my dad AND brother flying out of the unstable canoe. Amazingly, I did not fall in, but was left standing in the center of the newly empty canoe. Needless to say, they were completely pissed. :)
100. Oh, I hate to even reveal this, but why stop now? When I created my blog four years ago it was called.... the hideously awful.... the astonishingly unappetizing.... Amy's Homestyle Blog. Let's just keep that our little secret, 'kay?