Monday, August 03, 2009

Down to the Wire

I'm in Madison again. And for a brief window of time I am thrown back into my old environs while I see doctors, visit with friends, and enjoy some uninterrupted time on the computer while my husband is away camping with the more difficult to manage sons. It is strange to be back home, but not at home. I am here, but temporarily nesting in other peoples' homes, moving from one to another, as their schedules permit.

Yesterday I was driving home from the grocery store, listening to the radio and explaining what a "curb" is to Destructo. Because I am talking, I am on auto-pilot. I didn't realize that we were turning onto our old street until Destructo asked me where we were going. I drive by our house slowly, noting the light that is left on, the yard that needs to be mowed, the gate in the fence that needs to be shut.... The tears well, but I swallow and they pass. I know it isn't our house for the moment. I contemplate the fact that we have the luxury of holding onto the title while we are away and knowing that it doesn't really make a bit of difference, I take small comfort in thinking that, if we wanted to, we could kick out these interlopers and move right back in whenever we want to. I move on to thinking about our family returning to the States in a single year instead of three.... but quickly trip over the fact that it will have to get very ugly indeed over there to make that decision to return sooner a reality.

I switch off those thoughts and continue to drive, looping around the block and back in the direction of the friend's house where we stay, for now, habitually calling it "home" but quickly scratching the word out as soon as it leaves my mouth.


Only two more weeks until we really are home in our charming Winsome Cottage, in the countryside of England. The wait is starting to wear me down. I am ready to start living our new life over there and feel like I am stuck in-between.

26 comments:

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  2. Gosh, I can't even say how unbelievably jealous I am! I feel like I have been stuck in-between for the past 20 years that I have been here. The hubby and I are in the planning stages right now . . . of our return to the UK! Can't wait! It's going to be fab!

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  3. This post is beautifully written and tears are welling.

    The blogging brought us together and the blogging will keep us together. (lower lip jutted)

    FYI your fancy new google ads read "Abnormal Menstrual Cycle, Gynecological Surgery, Menstruation period, and HPV Cervical Dysplasia"

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  4. I can't imagine staying near "home" and not being able to go there. Even if it isn't really home right now.

    On the bright side, the cottage is beautiful... and not so close to your States home that you feel sappy every time you get in the car.

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  5. I cannot imagine that kind of change! Exciting but scary...

    Such a beautiful home! And what a unique experience for all of you. I hope the next 2 weeks fly by smoothly for you.

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  6. Lovely story. I thought for sure I would win the camera !! My MOMent was by far the most creative and I had tears flowing down my face as I wrote :-(

    Xp

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  7. Lovely story. I thought for sure I would win the camera !! My MOMent was by far the most creative and I had tears flowing down my face as I wrote :-(

    Xp

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  8. I think I would feel the same way. But I'm still hideously envious of your international adventure.

    I'm also sorry about your cervix (I was on blog hiatus when I read that - so I couldn't officially comment).

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  9. I still drive by the house I lived in 10 years ago - the house I helped purchase as someone's wife, the house I brought my first born child to - and it has changed so much that it no longer feels like my home, but just what I called it - a house. Someone else's home. Where I am now is my home, and oh, how I GET what you're saying here so beautifully, I do very much imagine it will be nice for you to settle with your family in this BEAUTIFUL place you have waiting for you on this new adventure. That place will be a marvelous home while you're there!

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  10. Two more weeks, that would be driving me crazy. Then again.... wait, never mind.

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  11. Oh, my. Two weeks of house hopping; hang in there! I don't blame you for wanting to get a move on; new chapters demand immediate attention, not bookmarks!

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  12. I drove by our house yesterday and it was so hard. Our renters are doing a crappy job not weeding and trimming our yard looks like hell. Too hard to see...and weird to not be staying there. Good luck your new life will be here soon enough.

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  13. That feeling of driving past might never go away, but it's probably at it's worst right now while you're 'in-between' places. The English house looks lovely! You'll get settled in soon, then the excitement of all of that will overshadow these feelings.

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  14. Expat life is awesome...and horrible...and awesome...and I wouldn't change it for the world. But a word of caution: You'll never be the same & neither will anyone in your family...and that will rock your world in so many ways! After you've settled and you have a hankering for France, drop me a line & I'll happily help out in the advice department.
    Bon Voyage :)

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  15. Only two weeks until you're over here! Don't forget, I'll just be 20miles away if you want any help at all - we Brits are a soft bunch underneath and I'm sure you'll be made very welcome. Hope you got the Broadband stuff sorted out OK -you need to keep posting so I can giggle and see life over here through your eyes - no punches pulled either!!

    Take care and safe journey over.

    Di
    xx

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  16. The anticipation is exciting and scary all at once. Just travel safely and continue to bring us stories from across the pond.

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  17. You are soooo brave, moving to England! I love it!

    We might have to move soon. I'm used to moving, moved all over, didn't stay in one spot for more than a year. Now that I'm a mom with Mom Jeans, I want to stay here and be all predictable. Wow.

    P.S. Love Madison. They can DRINK over there like no others!

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  18. Hugs.....it's amazing how attached you can become to a house. It has all of your memories in it. You cant really "pack" them. They stay in the home and in your head. It's wierd.

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  19. Waiting is HELL! Being stuck between two realities is even worse. HANG IN THERE! You are welcome to pack up the hoodlums and fly here to play with me and my motley crew. We would have a blast.

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  20. Waiting sucks ass. You just want it to come already! Especially if your living situation is an inconvenient in-between one. BUT! In two weeks, maybe you'll think, wow that 2 weeks sure went by fast.

    Hey, how come Ann gets "Abnormal Menstrual Cycle, Gynecological Surgery, Menstruation period, and HPV Cervical Dysplasia" on her Google ads, and I get Anti-Anxiety and Power Putty? I don't even know what Power Putty is!

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  21. Saying goodbye and letting things go is the hardest part of moving, but oh my god!! look what you are moving towards. I can't wait to live it through you. These two weeks will pass, hang in there.

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  22. That stuck between feeling is a lonely one. Home is where the heart is and all that.

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  23. I so, so, so, so know what you are going through. Well, minus knowing it will only be a year and minus that you get to go back to your home. But I swear I still know what you are saying!

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  24. Okay. That Winsome Cottage is the like a fairytale - I wanna jump right into that picture and let my kids run down that little hillside.

    Feeling stuck in the middle sucks. I've had that feeling before when we moved out and remodeled our home....

    Each day brings you closer to your NEW life.....and I am so psyched to be able to live vicariously through your adventures!!!

    :-)

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Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.