Tuesday, March 10, 2009

There Are No Lengths I Will Not Go To In the Name of Entertaining the Crowd or How I Ended Up Getting My Breast Fondled By A Bartender Named "French"

That's right. That guy named French, aka the bartender at the Willie T (anchored off Norman Island, British Virgin Islands), is rubbing my breast with an ice cube. Perilously close to my nipple. And you can see, from the photographic evidence below, I hated every second of it.

It took a while for the temporary tattoo to set up, judging by the length of time French spent teasing it on with those itty bitty ice cubes.... and then holding firmly in place with the palm of his hand.... but the results were nothing short of spectacular, no?












I hate to cut it short with just these photos but I am seriously over my head right now with a kajillion things to do to get the house ready to list on Friday, readjusting to life with three ankle-biters following me around (I stepped on the Animal's toes about FIVE times today he's trailing me so close), meetings with psychiatrists, speech therapists, perusing rentals in England, fielding new suggestions on towns that are good to live in over there, fretting about the economy, feeling guilty for spending all that money on vacation, freaking about the trip to Disneyworld next week that WE JUST CANCELLED, due to concerns with all of the formerly mentioned things (and don't worry, the kids are OK with it: they can be such sweethearts sometimes!), AND I am PMS-ing and seriously bloated from seven days at sea. I have so much to write about the trip that was rife with misadventure and more rum than any person should have the right or good sense to drink! I will start the re-telling as soon as I can.

I will let you know NOW, though, that the after-effects of the night out when I got the tattoo (the one shown above) ended up being the worst hangover of my life. However, I will stand by my testimony that it was the wild weather and seasickness that pushed me over the edge. And NOT the shot-ski of jagermeister or that other shot that someone told me about the next day but that I have no recollection of. Let's never speak of it again, 'kay?

p.s. I would like to thank all the new followers and the fabulous people who commented while I was out of town!!! It made my morning to sit down and read through all the hilarious and fabulous comments! I would like to make a special note for the comment that made me laugh the hardest, though, in case you missed it.... I got a serious belly laugh followed by spontaneous giggles every time I thought of it all day. It was posted on my Karaoke Queen story by sAm (her rabbit may not like her, but you will) about the
"ABSOLUTE worst [song to karaoke]: Loser by Beck. Nothing makes you feel like a loser quite like repeating it over and over again into a mic. One of those things that seemed like a good idea at the time but really was a horrible idea!" Now imagine how that song goes.... you would have to sing/say into the mic "I'm a LOSER, baby, so why don't you kill me!" about a 50 times in a row at the end! ;-D The mental picture I got on that was so funny (and had nothing, alright, fine, everything to do with an awkward repeat sequence during an atrocious attempt of mine to karaoke Sade's Smooth Operator. Oy!) Thanks, sAm!!

22 comments:

  1. OH MY GOD! Oh my god...that's ALL I can say...and then maybe.... LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL! And then...OMG again!

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  2. OMG ... where the hell have I been? I've missed like 100 of your posts. I'm such a HUGE blog-cad!!!

    I will be going back through. I think I've taken on too much in this blogosphere. *sighs*

    Well ... tomorrow, if Superpets doesn't distract me.

    bright blessings

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  3. Okay so I just can't get over this post...lol lol lol...I fear the things that could happen to me if I ever hang out with you...you'll send me home full of ink and with ice-cold nipples!

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  4. Thanks for the shout-out!! I hereby disown my "loser" status and feel like a queen - you rock!
    BTW-I wouldn't have minded that guy rubbing an ice cube anywhere he wanted...I'm just sayin'.

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  5. oh your a dirty dirty girl and i love it!

    hey? don't forget to breathe :)

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  6. WOW. Looks like you had a blast. I am so jealous. My hubby would flip if some other guy touched my boob. But then again, I already have a large real tattoo there, so no need for a fake one.

    Can't wait to hear all about the trip. Yeah, I have no life, what of it?

    Missy

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  7. Yaaaay! You're back! And had a GRAND time, from the looks of it! Calm, centering thoughts your way as you navigate all the craziness right now! Hang in there!

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  8. You only live once, sistah. Live it up.

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  9. That looks like it was so much fun and you look so proud of your temp tattoo! Sorry about the hangover, I am sure it had nothing to do with the extra booze consumed at all!

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  10. OMG i bet you would be so much fun to hang out with....watch ut England...here she comes!!!

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  11. NICE...She is back and right out of the gates sharing a true classic from the Caribbean. Thanks for sharing that today. Just thinking of The T lifted my spirits. I hope the rest of your trip was fabulous.

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  12. Have your headlights recovered?

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  13. Glad you had a wonderful time and came back with stories!!!! Cant wait to read all about it. Hope you nipples have recovered :)

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  14. wow, that title really jumped out of the Blogger dashboard!

    Good luck with your to-do list, Amy! xx

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  15. am so jealous of the fun you had

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  16. Looks like a screamingly good time- do you remember all of it? LOL!!

    I'm giving you a blog award- swing by and check it out!

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  17. If anyone can handle all of that crazy stuff you got going over there - it's you. :-)

    And right on with that lil' temp tattoo!!

    Trip sounds like it was a BLAST - good for you guys! My man and I need an adventure - we are long overdue...

    :-)

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  18. Love the tat you wild thing! And YOU are absolutely adorable!! It sounds like you're incredibly busy these days!! I hope things settle down soon....HUGS!!

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  19. cool ass tattoo. How do i get some young guy to come over here and put one on me?

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  20. I'm not sure England is ready for you girl! When you said he put the tattoo on with itty bitty ice cubes, I thought you had written: Titty bitty ice cubes...

    I know, I know... sorry!

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  21. Man, it looks like you had fun to the max!

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Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.