Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Totally Awkward Tuesday

Back when I was a working girl in Austin, Texas and newly engaged to my dashing boyfriend, some of his family came down to visit him and celebrate our impending nuptials. Preston and Michael were his over-the-top, fabulous gay "uncles" from Chicago. Preston was a childhood friend of Daddy-007's father and Michael was his partner of 20+ years. They were almost painfully sophisticated (certainly by my rural standards, but even by big-city conventions) and I loved being with them when we were all able to get together.

They were staying at the Four Seasons and invited us to join them for dinner at the restaurant there called Trio. It was a beautiful restaurant, the Four Seasons was impossibly chíc and we had gotten ourselves all gussied up for dinner. I was even wearing heels, which was a rarity in those days. I think I stumbled, slipped, fell about three times going from the car to the restaurant…. truly a picture of grace and beauty. ;)

I manage to get to the table and through dinner without any falls or gaffes of epic proportions. I also manage to get completely wasted. You see, when dining with the Gay Uncles, one is held to a much higher drinking standard. I never stood a chance. We started with cocktails, for me a Jim Beam and Diet Coke, consumed some delicious appetizers (that were, thankfully, NOT oysters), …then the champagne course was introduced. (This is a new one to me, too, but I think it is something everyone should try on for size and then implement at will! ;D ) Dinner was held until the entire bottle of champagne was gone. Something about cleansing our palates was bandied about, I think? Dinner with enjoyed slowly over 2, maybe 3 bottles of wine. As they are pondering the drink list for an appropriate dinner/dessert beverage (Port? Grappa? Cognac? For the love of all that is sober and holy, save me!) I realize that a bathroom break is in order. I’m feeling a bit disheveled in my state of inebriation and I’d been holding it awhile, so now seemed like a good break to go and try and collect myself for the final leg of the night.

I get my legs under me and teeter off to the loo. I leave the dining room and pause to contemplate the expanse of uneven, rustic clay tiling that comprises the flooring of the wide hall to the restrooms…. And forge ahead. Heels be damned! I can do it!! I’m a determined, sophisticated, sexy woman!!! Miracle of miracles, I make it! Hooray for me!

So, the hard part behind me, I take care of business, freshen the makeup, make sure the dress is pulled back down to appropriate places and head back to my table. My head floating in a cloud of whiskey-scented cotton candy, my mind working to keep my eyes focused, concentrating on each step as I navigate my way back over the clay tile floor. And then I hear my name. Someone is calling me from the side of the wide hall. Huh? I slowly turn around (a quick turn is out of the question in the shoes and drunkenness).

And it is my boss. I straighten as he stands and comes to me to shake my hand and say hello. (Thank god, I didn’t have to walk to him!) He then steps back and introduces me to the table of about twelve people that he is sitting at. Individually. To all the department heads from my division at Dell Computer. My mind races over the possibilities of impressing them all with my wit and chic savoir faire. What a random opportunity!

I immediately forget all their names. And when asked if I was there with friends, I say with a wave of my hand, “Oh, I’m just here having dinner with my fiancé and his family.” Like I’m there all the time! Pish posh! No big deal to me!! Hee hee!! We say our goodnights and I slowly teeter back to my table. Thankful that I hadn’t fallen down, but feeling painfully out of my 25-year-old depth.

And I would love to tell you more about that night, but I can’t remember another thing about it. ;-)


Thank you to Tovah Darling for hosting the fab Totally Awkward Tuesday! (Why more people aren't getting into this Mr. Linky that she hosts is a mystery to me!!) Go join in the fun of self-deprecation at its finest!!

16 comments:

  1. even in your inebriated state, you handled things with more social grace than I would have exhibited in my normal state :-) Well done! And this new comment form is playing tricks on me; I may need to change my survey vote!

    Recent blog post: It's Book Time!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It sounds like you handled meeting your boss (and company) with grace and dignity. You certainly handled it much better than I would have under those circumstances! I KNOW I'd be carrying my shoes by that point!

    Recent blog post: A great gift for the wife???

    ReplyDelete
  3. Eeek! Did they ever suspect? =-X

    Recent blog post: I Wasn't Expecting This...Let Me Get My Notes

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey, if you didn't fall down OR laugh like a hyena in that entire scene, kudos! And I love "pish/posh!" That phrase should be used more often. :)

    Recent blog post: Totally Awkward Tuesdays: The Shot

    ReplyDelete
  5. lol, you are so funny.... more but my brain clocked out about 15 minutes ago...

    Recent blog post: Stories ~N~ Songs

    ReplyDelete
  6. nice work. From there your skills have only blossomed. LOL

    Recent blog post: Tuesday's Tribute - The Greatest Man I Know

    ReplyDelete
  7. It was just that moment of AAACK! How could all these people be here NOW when I can barely walk, much less look capable and confident.

    Recent blog post: Totally Awkward Tuesday

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hadn't thought about that! ;-) Thanks for making me feel like it was actually a moment of fabulosity, not awkward drunkenness. I need you around more often, darlin'!

    Recent blog post: Totally Awkward Tuesday

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you! Someone who thinks it was mortifying, too! :) I'm not sure.... but I can tell you that I was not promoted from that time until I quit about three months later. Hmmmm.....

    Recent blog post: Totally Awkward Tuesday

    ReplyDelete
  10. I was putting absolutely every bit of effort (and maybe even praying) that I would not fall. Or stagger. :)

    Recent blog post: Totally Awkward Tuesday

    ReplyDelete
  11. I agree, pish posh is a most neglected exclamation! Let's work together to bring it back, shall we?

    Recent blog post: Totally Awkward Tuesday

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha, gotcha- mine checked out last week!!! 8-)

    Recent blog post: Totally Awkward Tuesday

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh yes they have, sir, yes. they. have. :))))

    Recent blog post: Totally Awkward Tuesday

    ReplyDelete
  14. Great story. Since I live in a smallish town, and parents in the freaking Bible belt don't think principals should drink (and it is the drinking that keeps me sane - I swear!), I've learned to guzzle at home. I would probably never get to live down a drunken debauchery night after running into some parents.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey Amy! You sound like a writer in this post! :) :)

    Amy... "miracle of miracles"...my mother always has and always will, say that...hee hee hee....made me giggle! :)

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.