Totally Awkward Tuesday

Back when I was a working girl in Austin, Texas and newly engaged to my dashing boyfriend, some of his family came down to visit him and celebrate our impending nuptials. Preston and Michael were his over-the-top, fabulous gay "uncles" from Chicago. Preston was a childhood friend of Daddy-007's father and Michael was his partner of 20+ years. They were almost painfully sophisticated (certainly by my rural standards, but even by big-city conventions) and I loved being with them when we were all able to get together.

They were staying at the Four Seasons and invited us to join them for dinner at the restaurant there called Trio. It was a beautiful restaurant, the Four Seasons was impossibly chíc and we had gotten ourselves all gussied up for dinner. I was even wearing heels, which was a rarity in those days. I think I stumbled, slipped, fell about three times going from the car to the restaurant…. truly a picture of grace and beauty. ;)

I manage to get to the table and through dinner without any falls or gaffes of epic proportions. I also manage to get completely wasted. You see, when dining with the Gay Uncles, one is held to a much higher drinking standard. I never stood a chance. We started with cocktails, for me a Jim Beam and Diet Coke, consumed some delicious appetizers (that were, thankfully, NOT oysters), …then the champagne course was introduced. (This is a new one to me, too, but I think it is something everyone should try on for size and then implement at will! ;D ) Dinner was held until the entire bottle of champagne was gone. Something about cleansing our palates was bandied about, I think? Dinner with enjoyed slowly over 2, maybe 3 bottles of wine. As they are pondering the drink list for an appropriate dinner/dessert beverage (Port? Grappa? Cognac? For the love of all that is sober and holy, save me!) I realize that a bathroom break is in order. I’m feeling a bit disheveled in my state of inebriation and I’d been holding it awhile, so now seemed like a good break to go and try and collect myself for the final leg of the night.

I get my legs under me and teeter off to the loo. I leave the dining room and pause to contemplate the expanse of uneven, rustic clay tiling that comprises the flooring of the wide hall to the restrooms…. And forge ahead. Heels be damned! I can do it!! I’m a determined, sophisticated, sexy woman!!! Miracle of miracles, I make it! Hooray for me!

So, the hard part behind me, I take care of business, freshen the makeup, make sure the dress is pulled back down to appropriate places and head back to my table. My head floating in a cloud of whiskey-scented cotton candy, my mind working to keep my eyes focused, concentrating on each step as I navigate my way back over the clay tile floor. And then I hear my name. Someone is calling me from the side of the wide hall. Huh? I slowly turn around (a quick turn is out of the question in the shoes and drunkenness).

And it is my boss. I straighten as he stands and comes to me to shake my hand and say hello. (Thank god, I didn’t have to walk to him!) He then steps back and introduces me to the table of about twelve people that he is sitting at. Individually. To all the department heads from my division at Dell Computer. My mind races over the possibilities of impressing them all with my wit and chic savoir faire. What a random opportunity!

I immediately forget all their names. And when asked if I was there with friends, I say with a wave of my hand, “Oh, I’m just here having dinner with my fiancé and his family.” Like I’m there all the time! Pish posh! No big deal to me!! Hee hee!! We say our goodnights and I slowly teeter back to my table. Thankful that I hadn’t fallen down, but feeling painfully out of my 25-year-old depth.

And I would love to tell you more about that night, but I can’t remember another thing about it. ;-)


Thank you to Tovah Darling for hosting the fab Totally Awkward Tuesday! (Why more people aren't getting into this Mr. Linky that she hosts is a mystery to me!!) Go join in the fun of self-deprecation at its finest!!