Wednesday, February 11, 2009

She's Breakin' Apart, Cap'n!! The F-Bomb Has Officially Taken Over

Everyone seemed to get such a kick out of this yesterday and I got such a great laugh out of it myself, I thought I'd share Tony's comment with you all today. Tony is this excellent party boy who operates out of That One Particular Harbor. You know the one.... you can find it on some Caribbean island where the sand is pristine, the water is clear, and the rum is well-masked by sugary island juices. Tony's the one who looks like he's passed out under the cabana, but is surreptitiously just taking it all in and loving every second of it.

Before we get to his list, though, I'd like to share that my husband, being a man of many surprises and really excellent gifts (ooooh!) is giving me the most precious of gifts for Valentine's Day. He is -get this- taking all the boys to a water-park in the Dells from Thursday afternoon until Saturday afternoon!!!! If I knew how to make the heart sign with my alt/option key, I would totally have a string of them right *here* LOVE YOU, HONEY!!!! I will be enjoying almost 48 hours of alone time at the manor (yes, I refer to my wee tudor as the manor on occasion, bite me;). When I am not drunk or hungover, I will be glued to the computer tweeting a blow-by-blow of how I'm doing on the house packing, writing posts for future uses (riiiiiight.), and planning how I can trick the American Idol judges into thinking I am younger than 30 or taping my video submission to 'Survivor'-- which I am too excited about the new season starting this Thursday. Squeal!

Without further ado, here is Tony's comment from yesterday (appropriately rendered in blue):

Oh the queen mother of all swear words. You will be fucking used to the Queen Mother very soon my dear. Loved this. I got my love for hot sauce from so many " I will wash your mouth out with hot sauce if you use that word again." It just says it all. Some of the many uses:
Greetings "How the fuck are you?"
Fraud "I was fucked by the McDonalds Drive Through."
Dismay "Oh, fuck it."
Trouble "Well, I guess I'm fucked again."
Aggression "Fuck you!!!"
Disgust "Fuck me!!!"
Confusion, Curiosity or Disbelief "What the fuck....?"
Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking thing."
Despair "Fucked again."
Good Job "Congratufuckinglations."
Desperation "Fuckityfuckfuckfuck."
Incompetence "He fucks up everything."
Intelligence "He's a fucking genius."
Dismissal "Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?"
Displeasure "What the fuck is going on?"
Lost "Where the fuck are we?"
Disbelief "Unbefuckinglievable!!!"
Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!!!"
Laziness "He's just a fuck-off."
Pain "Fuck ! that hurt."
Pleasure "Oooooooh Fuuuuuuck"
Love "Do ya Fuck on first dates?"
Starting a relationship "Let's fuck now!"
Surprise "Fucking hell what was that?"
Admiration "Nice fucking tits!"
Stupid person "Dumbfuck!"
Hate "You Fuck!"
Condemnation "Fuck that shit!"
Disappointment "That's not fucking fair."
A poker hand "A Royal Fuck."
Ignorant person "Fuckstick."
Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
Apathy "Who gives a fuck" or "I don't give a fuck".
Confusion "What the fuck just happened?"
Resignation "Oh fuck it."
Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here!"
Sex "Let's fuck."
Ambiguity "I'm not so fucking sure."
Agreement "Absofuckinglutely."
Questioning Authority "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Hypocrisy "Don't you dare fucking swear at me you fucking fucker."
Praising the Lord "Jesus Fucking Christ."
I have a headache "Go fuck yourself."
Refusal "Oh you can fuck right off."
Be quiet "Shut the fuck up."
You're right "Fucking oath." (Australianism -- Braja this one's for YOU!)
Ostentation "He's just bought a big, fuck-off Mercedes."
Sensuousness "She was wearing a pair of red leather, fuck-me boots."
Confidence "Fuckin' A."
Rage "Motherfucking fuckers!"
Impressed "That was fucking amazing."
Oral sex after 30 years of marriage "Fuck you!" (while passing each other in the hall)
Bewilderment or Ignorance "Fucked if I know."
Annoyance "For fuck's sake."
Pissed off "Fuck you, you fucking fuck."
Tardiness "It's ten-fucking-thirty already?"
Calling someone "Oy, fuck face!"
Minors "Fucklings."
Morons "Fucktards."
Thanks "Fuck you very much."


  1. Yup yup, saw the comment yesterday. I'm off to visit him now!

    And how cool is your husband? I hate V Day and my husband tricked me into going to the Alps for the weekend. He swears it's not a V Day gift but I'd rather he just go alone.

  2. Oh how I fucking adore Tony.

    And you!? I'm so fucking jealous!! But honey, if anyone deserves it, it's you. Can't wait to follow your Twitter and be pea green.


  3. Did I just hear you SQUEAL?!

    Fan-fucking-tastic comment, Tony!

  4. Well fuck me, that was totally fucking awesome!!! What a hoot!!!

  5. I feel fucking honored ( use of the word fuck as appreciation) that Amy would choose to single me out today. She knows after our talks that my soul lives on a Caribbean island where the sand is pristine, the water is clear, and the rum flows freely. I do love Hot sauce and the versatility of the word FUCK. Thanks LOL

    Many Thanks Amy- I hope you and Hubby have fun with Zeus.

  6. Once you start with the fuck thing you just can't stop.

  7. Tony! I'll be over later. Amy! See you Friday ;) ;)

  8. Those 48 hours sound like pure bliss. Your man is quite impressive in my eyes right about now. :-)

    Wow - Tony is a man of many talents - did he really make this up for your comment section? If he did, he is a fucking god.


  9. Well that was just fucking educational now, wasn't it?

  10. LOL that was fucking hilarious!!!!

  11. All those fucks are burning my eyes :)

  12. Now I feel like I don't put enough efforts into my comments. Wow. That was impressive.

    Enjoy your time at the manor.

  13. he he he .. this word just fucking says a lot ! lol

  14. lmmfao ... srsly. I love this ... I'm copying it ... for reasons unknown. It's too bad the hubby didn't take the kids Tues and Wed, I could get all lushy with ya ... and we could say funny stuff on twitter. *sighs*

  15. Tony is my new hero. A fucking hero.


Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.