Oh, No She DI'INT: Or, "Why'd He Have to Do It In MY Water Bottle??"

Let me start this post by saying that Daddy-007 and I are AWESOME parents. .... I mean it! .... Well, I mean we are mostly awesome parents. ...Ahem. ...At least we were yesterday.

After two snow days last week, the weekend, and then MLK,jr. Day off from school we couldn't take the freezing weather and cabin fever that had developed, so we ran off to the Wisconsin Dells for a day of flourescent lights and fun at Kalahari Indoor Waterpark. This is, quite literally, a WET DREAM for our kids. I mean there are wave pools, water slides, ice cream, massive kid play structures, and endless running around barefoot in bathingsuits. What's not to love?

The kids had an amazing day and we were all totally happy and exhausted when we piled into Daddy-007's Suburban. Everyone had their hearts' set on Red Robin (one of the kids' favorites) so we started the 45 minute drive back to Madison. Not three minutes into the drive (and a solid 7 minutes before the next exit), the Animal starts groaning, "Gotta pee!!"

Geeeeez! I howl, "You gotta be kidding me! I asked if you needed to go before we left three times and you said 'no.'!"

"Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee!!!"

"Oh, honey, could you pull over at the next exit so the Animal can pee on the side of the road?"

"Absolutely, as soon as there's an exit."

No exit. No exit. No exit. F*ck!

"Gotta peeeeeeeeeee!"

Then Daddy-007 offers some age-old manly advice. "Don't we have a water bottle for him to pee in??"

Jeeeeeeeeezus. I look around and all we have are the new-fangled Siig aluminum water bottles that I brought for each of the kids so we wouldn't have to pay for overpriced water at the park. The Animal's is completely full, Desructo's is mostly full, and CC's is close-ish to empty. Sorry, kiddo, your bottle will be taking one for the team....

Daddy-007 unscrews the top and drains the last of the water while I get out of my seatbelt and unleash the Animal from his carseat. He hands me the bottle and I position it accordingly and the Animal relaxes as sweet relief floods across his face. Honestly, he did everything except sigh and say 'oh, yeaaaaaah.'

Meanwhile, CC has realized what the heck is going on and is like, "Oh my GOSH, why does he have to use MY bottle?!?! That is so disgusting!! Why didn't you use HIS bottle??"

As the bottle warms with the freshly deposited urine, CC starts to cry.

I'm feeling terrible (and annoyed at the same time) and tell CC not to worry, that I'll buy him another water bottle, I know where they sell them.

"You mean....YOU bought us those water bottles?" his suddenly shrinking voice asks with a fresh quiver.

Uh-oh, I sense a misstep. What the....? Oh, no! Those Siig bottles were *stocking stuffers*!!!

"No, honey, no, I didn't buy the water bottles, of course not! Santa brought them to you! ...I'm just saying that I know where I can get ones like them here in town."

Phew! That was a close one... If I'd killed Santa while holding a bottle for my son to pee in while moving at 70 mph in a car with two of us out of our seatbelts.... Well, now, that would've been pretty bad, wouldn't it?