My Life Under Construction

I was searching for a post topic today as I worked out all the feelings that have been running through my brain since I missed my trip to England yesterday because of carelessness and stupidity.

(Have I filled out the Passport Renewal Form yet? YES, I am proud to report!) (Even though it entailed a freakout because, while going through my documents, I realized I had lost my social security card. I found it after 15 minutes of frantic rummaging though all my desk drawers. And a hissy fit with my husband on the phone. Phew.)

After the airport debacle I updated my twitter and facebook accounts with the cryptic post: "Total clusterf?ck. My passport expired in March 2008....heartbroken and homeward bound." And came home to find 12 comments and 3 emails from friends trying to make me feel better about the situation. Some of them were dear close old friends and some were people that I hold very dear as friends, but who I have never met in person before. Braja's post over at Lost and Found In India really hit a nerve with me today, as it is SO true. Bloggers reveal so much of themselves on a daily basis and we love the comments and we love the followers and all that, but what we really love is when someone shares back and their message makes you realize that this person is now a friend. That extra connection can be made through a revelation of personal information that is an obvious opening of the door, it can be a shared laugh over a ridiculous thing that you were almost too embarrassed to write but ends up being the kind of thing the reader also thinks is hilarious, it can be asking for advice and suddenly getting really deep, thoughtful wisdom from this person who you don't know, but seems to understand where you are coming from perfectly.

And these days.... honestly it seems like I barely know who I am or what I'm doing or how the heck I got here! The whole Attention Deficit Disorder thing is really throwing me for a loop. I mean, obviously I've lived with how I am for my whole life and it has worked out pretty well so far. I mean, I know I am more disorganized than most people, more spontaneous, more thrill-seeking, more obsessive, maybe, but that is just my personality. :) Right?? But now I've got this totally weird "diagnosis" that basically says, you are like this because your brain actually functions differently than other people's. Actually, that doesn't bother me too much. :) And it really shouldn't surpise me.

What pains me in the whole situation are a couple things: 1.) Could I have handled grad school and actually be getting my Library and Info. Studies MLS this May if I didn't have this highly-distractable mind?? and 2.) Destructo's ADHD and the troubles I've had coming to terms with it and my resistance to admit that there is a real need for extra help where his schooling is concerned. I feel like I'm not making a ton of sense on this, so bear with me while I sort it out. It took a lot of crying in therapy, with both my therapist AND his, to finally admit that an IEP (the dreaded "special ed" program) would be the best thing for him. And I think it has been so painful partially because I see so much of myself in him and then wonder what it would be like if we moved to the country and led a different kind of lifestyle that would be more constructive for keeping his idiosyncrasies in the realm of "normal behavior." We have so many choices as parents and even though we laugh and say, "oh, I'll be paying the therapy bill for him when he's 30!" It really scares the heck out of me to think that may be true!

Oh, well, we do the best we can with what we got, right? My apologies for all the rambling... I'm blaming it on the ADD! It is going to be the resident scapegoat for every mismanaged situation for the rest of my life. A new foundation, if you will. *Guffaw* I had to work my title in somewhere, didn't I?? After I completely lost the point of what I thought I was going to be writing about?

I'm going to post one more photo from the party the other night. I want to frame it so I can keep a moment of hilarity around to refer back to when I'm feeling kind of funky and down. I also kind of love that my observant, hilarious friend Ann, over at Ann's Rants, described me, in our first lunch meeting, as the kind of woman who throws her head back in laughter.... and here's the evidence that I really do!

The photo up top is thanks to Photofunia. Check out their site for some excellent photo opportunities!