Thursday, January 08, 2009

My Life Under Construction

I was searching for a post topic today as I worked out all the feelings that have been running through my brain since I missed my trip to England yesterday because of carelessness and stupidity.

(Have I filled out the Passport Renewal Form yet? YES, I am proud to report!) (Even though it entailed a freakout because, while going through my documents, I realized I had lost my social security card. I found it after 15 minutes of frantic rummaging though all my desk drawers. And a hissy fit with my husband on the phone. Phew.)

After the airport debacle I updated my twitter and facebook accounts with the cryptic post: "Total clusterf?ck. My passport expired in March 2008....heartbroken and homeward bound." And came home to find 12 comments and 3 emails from friends trying to make me feel better about the situation. Some of them were dear close old friends and some were people that I hold very dear as friends, but who I have never met in person before. Braja's post over at Lost and Found In India really hit a nerve with me today, as it is SO true. Bloggers reveal so much of themselves on a daily basis and we love the comments and we love the followers and all that, but what we really love is when someone shares back and their message makes you realize that this person is now a friend. That extra connection can be made through a revelation of personal information that is an obvious opening of the door, it can be a shared laugh over a ridiculous thing that you were almost too embarrassed to write but ends up being the kind of thing the reader also thinks is hilarious, it can be asking for advice and suddenly getting really deep, thoughtful wisdom from this person who you don't know, but seems to understand where you are coming from perfectly.

And these days.... honestly it seems like I barely know who I am or what I'm doing or how the heck I got here! The whole Attention Deficit Disorder thing is really throwing me for a loop. I mean, obviously I've lived with how I am for my whole life and it has worked out pretty well so far. I mean, I know I am more disorganized than most people, more spontaneous, more thrill-seeking, more obsessive, maybe, but that is just my personality. :) Right?? But now I've got this totally weird "diagnosis" that basically says, you are like this because your brain actually functions differently than other people's. Actually, that doesn't bother me too much. :) And it really shouldn't surpise me.

What pains me in the whole situation are a couple things: 1.) Could I have handled grad school and actually be getting my Library and Info. Studies MLS this May if I didn't have this highly-distractable mind?? and 2.) Destructo's ADHD and the troubles I've had coming to terms with it and my resistance to admit that there is a real need for extra help where his schooling is concerned. I feel like I'm not making a ton of sense on this, so bear with me while I sort it out. It took a lot of crying in therapy, with both my therapist AND his, to finally admit that an IEP (the dreaded "special ed" program) would be the best thing for him. And I think it has been so painful partially because I see so much of myself in him and then wonder what it would be like if we moved to the country and led a different kind of lifestyle that would be more constructive for keeping his idiosyncrasies in the realm of "normal behavior." We have so many choices as parents and even though we laugh and say, "oh, I'll be paying the therapy bill for him when he's 30!" It really scares the heck out of me to think that may be true!

Oh, well, we do the best we can with what we got, right? My apologies for all the rambling... I'm blaming it on the ADD! It is going to be the resident scapegoat for every mismanaged situation for the rest of my life. A new foundation, if you will. *Guffaw* I had to work my title in somewhere, didn't I?? After I completely lost the point of what I thought I was going to be writing about?

I'm going to post one more photo from the party the other night. I want to frame it so I can keep a moment of hilarity around to refer back to when I'm feeling kind of funky and down. I also kind of love that my observant, hilarious friend Ann, over at Ann's Rants, described me, in our first lunch meeting, as the kind of woman who throws her head back in laughter.... and here's the evidence that I really do!

The photo up top is thanks to Photofunia. Check out their site for some excellent photo opportunities!


  1. just thought i'd let you know that my passport expired on march 08 as well and the renewal and pictures are still sitting on my desk... by now i have to have a new photo :)

  2. That picture is awesome and even though I've only read you for a short time I can tell that it is YOU. I loved Braja's blogger real friend post too - it got me thinking. Really.

    But hey, I know your mind is riddling about some stuff but no diagnosis can define anyone you know? And I'm really curious as to why this ADD thing has come up right now in your life...

    We're all a little lost - I sure am. And I spend more time than I should wondering how I got where I am....

    anyway - don't want to ramble - but hope you're okay.

  3. I don't really know you but I agree that that photo captures you beautifully. Whether it is due to your diagnosis or inate personality, you seem to be one who lives life "all out" to the max....and that's a really good thing, that I envy. Good luck with the travel hassel.

  4. I wanted to say "diagnosis-shmiagnosis," but it doesn't really work does it? Maybe I'll just "Diagnosis?? Fuck that!" and move on...

    Cos really, what the hell next? Are they so keen to lable and categorize every idiosyncrasy we have? You're you, you got here is because of who you are and the choices you make, and I don't know but I kinda hate to see anyone diagnose that as anything else but, purely and simply, "Amy."

  5. you and I...we wouldn't be able to hang out together in real bring expired passports to the airport the day you're supposed to leave, and I get on planes headed for the wrong country! and me in real life at the airport...I'm feeling scared right now...


  6. Hold have a guy on each arm... LOLOLOL

  7. PS: I hope you did more than one of those photos and that you're going to sprinkle them on us for a long slow tantalizing two week period instead of doing what i did and just splash them all over my blog in one day :))) lol....MORE!!!

  8. You make me SMILE
    Every time.
    Every damn time I check in with you.
    You are awesome and
    to be my friend... I was even daydreaming when I was in Amalfi... wouldn't it be cool to sail around with Amy and her husband.


  9. Awesome picture!
    I'm so sorry to hear about your passport debacle. Though I just went through three long flights and delays, and kinda wish my passport had expired.

  10. awwwww, Amy. You are, You ARE! She is everyone. Another cliche that I think does describe you is "life of the party" truly. I struggle much more with my mental health as a parent, and not to be all silver lining, but at least you can understand little S in a way you wouldn't be able to otherwise...AND you can normalize this for him, which is one of the most powerful therapies out there--as in "My brain works like that too honey, we're together in this!"

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Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.