Tuesday, December 30, 2008

One Morning a Week....

Braja and I continue to live our opposite lives of serenity vs. chaos, beauty vs. necessity. I'm supposed to wait until tomorrow morning to post, but even though her's usually goes up 12 hours before mine, I am *amazingly* finished with my post early! Please go see Braja's lovely morning, fraught with her own little catastrophe (and I do mean tiny) at Lost and Found in India.

CC and Destructo simultaneously barrel and tumble down the hall, talking loudly about which one will get Grandpa’s chair vs. Grandma’s. I lift my sleeping mask to check the time, it is 6:12 a.m. I replace the mask and lie back, considering my options: try and eke out another few moments of sleep or get up and steal some precious minutes in front of my laptop before I am thrown into the morning battle that will require more sustained effort than usual, as we are heading back home from a delightful and mostly restive visit with my parents. I am staring down the barrel of nine hours in the minivan with my pack of boys that cannot be constrained by mere seatbelts. An endless supply of DVDs will only keep them occupied for four of the hours, the rest will be spent bickering, screaming about infractions, tattling, and bathroom breaks.

I am repelled by the thought, but We are the Griswold’s (Minus the dead grandma on the roof of the car and plus one “spirited” toddler) can’t help but sneak into my mind.

I opt for a little computer time and get up. I am extremely pleased to find the Animal still asleep and the two big boys in front of the boob tube. I wake up the laptop and check my yahoo, gmail, and Charter email accounts, pop open facebook to check out a message that came in and some drunken wall posts that a new old friend (a high school friend that just found me). I realize that she possibly didn’t leave the posts while drunk when she apologizes for her atrosious[sic] spelling. LOL. She is just as hysterical as she was in high school! So glad she found me!

My dad gives me some light reading on how to raise more money for your volunteer organization (because it came up in conversation at 7 a.m.?). It is a moneymaking scheme based on making asking your board members to individually promise to raise $1000 each, backed up by 50 ideas on how an individual might go about raising 1000 bucks if they can’t, as idea #1 suggests just write a check. I can only see having to sign a contract to raise money personally as a deterrent for volunteering to sit on a board, but some of the ideas are actually good, so I make a copy of it in his office. Fortunately, I don’t jam his copier/printer until the last page. Close call! ;^) One of the suggestions is to host a dinner for 12 of your friends, asking each to contribute $12 per person to your cause, reaping a quick $244. I resolve to get my older boys involved and have them make invitations and cookies and then serve the courses of a dinner to raise money for a charity of their choice. We’ll see if it happens….

Thank God, we packed last night! The boys get into their clothes and deliver their p.j.s to get tossed into the family duffel bag. The Animal wakes up as Grandpa finishes cooking the bacon and Grandma whips up the buttermilk pancakes. One more feast before we leave… ☺ I feel my muffin top expand another centimeter in both directions and resolve to hit the gym every day for the rest of the week. (I’m supposed to dress up as Amy Winehouse for our New Year’s Party in a couple days and I am going to look like her fat, older sister…. The Elvira wig that I got will make me instantly recognizable, though, so it will have to be enough.) I eat only one pancake and just a bite of bacon. It’s all good.

Daddy-007 spirits the children and bags out the door and into the Mom Bomb (man, I love that minivan!) while I download one last file on my laptop in silence. I close down the TweetDeck, the email, the browser, and put the machine back to sleep before tucking it into my backpack and walking out the door. Hugs, kisses, thank you’s and I Love You’s are exchanged all around. We all get settled and start our long drive home. A pretty easy send-off, all things considered!

As we turn out of the long driveway, I imagine my parents in comic strip form, both falling onto the couch, wiping their brows from the exertion, and exclaiming, “Phew!”

Follow-Up Report: The drive back home was almost effortless, I am pleased to report! The peanut butter & jelly sandwiches that Grandma made for the trip were a HUGE success and us leaving by 8:30 made for less stops than usual, so we made it home in only EIGHT hours. We called our babysitter on the way home and she is due to arrive at 6:30 p.m. so this might end up being the best travel day with the kids EVER.

P.S. I apologize for the rotten photos taken with my annoying Sprint phone. I couldn't find the "micro" SD-adapter, so they are only truly accessible via this annoying Sprint store slideshow. If you want to see the better quality photos, follow this link: View Slideshow I do have to say that last picture is kind of worth it. It is a totally cool dragon that was drawn in the dirt on the back of that moving van! Very creative and really awesome looking.

P.P.S. That is me typing up my post in the car. Finally! Something useful to do in the car. Amazingly it didn't make me carsick, like reading in the car does.... :)


  1. I'm thinking of hunting down this Femin Susan and wiping out her blogs. Everywhere I go she's left the same inane message. WTF???

    I didn't think that was chaos...it seemed completely smooth. And you've got that child-minding thing down smooth, girl :))) I'm proud of you :)

    Is that a white MacBook on your lap? Tell me we have matching white MacBooks....!!

  2. Maybe Femin Susan is a robot and the only way to deter her is with WORD VERIFICATION!!! I'm turning it back on, if I have it off!

    Braja: It was a totally smooth day! The boys totally impressed both me and the their father. And YES I have a white MacBook... but I do have a red plastic shell around it to keep it getting scratched. My baby must be kept pristine!

  3. I'm so damned tired. Hurt my back (how the F did that happen?), and have stupidly decided to finish the book today, which is really setting myself a goal I can't achieve. Shitty last day of the year. WTF????

  4. Braja - don't set yourself unrealistic goals... finish the book tomorrow or at the end of the week instead.

    Amy: Wow! Sounds like a great end to your visit and a good drive back home... And blogging in the car - that IS true devotion to us fans...

    Many thanks! And have a good New Year!

  5. LadyFi: I already trashed that goal :)) I'll be happy if I can get my back in order today, actually...I'm practically doubled over. I think it's stress...or not enough red wine and party spirit...yes, I think that's it!

  6. I'm glad it was an easy and uneventful drive back to Madtown. While I missed not being around extended family for the holidays I do not miss the 10 hour drive to Wichita! Happy New Year!

  7. Braja, I'm totally on to Femin Susan. I think "she" may just be a spammer. Have you seen her blogs? I'm skeptical people. Oh yeah, Amy, I am only reading your post. I swear. Must go be with my child. You are going to be HOT as always, muffin top (not even) or not. Right Braja?

  8. My blog comment section is like the KITCHEN during a party.... hang out, stay awhile, eat some cookies, make a few comments, come back in for more comments and more cookies.... Watch Out for the spam-bot, though, she is just using me for the cookies! She doesn't care about the chatter!!

    And, yes, LadyFi, I am totally committed to my "fans," or friends, as I like to call them. ;^)

    O'Donnell: Eight hours is do-able, nine borders on intolerable, 10 hours is impossible. I'd skip it, too, if it was that long. :)

    Rants: Yes, muffin tops are hot. Hotter than missing cervixes, anyway... (if you haven't read Ann's post on Public Cervix Announcements, click over NOW to do so!)

    Okay, ladies, now discuss....

  9. I'll tell ya. I don't have tiny kids anymore, and I wasn't preparing for a long car ride home, but it took me 33 minutes to get through your one post because this DAMN DOG needs interaction just like a 2 year old.....ugh.

    I might send HIM on a car trip!

  10. oh i know that driving in the car for forever feeling all to well! once a month we visit the georgia and its a 10 hour drive! :)

  11. Right, Ann.

    But can someone fill up my drink? Pretty dry party, GIRRRRRLS...:)))

  12. And tell that bitch to stop it with your cookies already....

  13. I feel like giving my blog a facelift but I'm afraid I'll lose all the followers; someone told me that happens...(??)

  14. Has everyone left the kitchen? Ann???

  15. Braja: I can't see the photos of the followers anyway... so maybe a facelift is in order...

    And Amy - take it as a compliment that your comments section is like a kitchen!

  16. Braja: As long as you don't change your blog address, I don't think you'll lose your followers... you just have to save your "widgets" so you can put them back up on the re-design.

    Ladyfi: I love that my six readers today can produce 16 comments. Truly, I am *blessed* !! (And the kitchen is always my favorite spot at parties!)

  17. We are the Griswolds. I love that!

    Happy New Year!

  18. Happy New Year, Bitchin' Diva! :)

    Wishing you magic! :)

    Charity :)

  19. I cannot wait to see you as Amy Winehouse!! DOn't worry about the muffin top! Wear the Elvira week, tons of smeared eye makeup and have a cig hanging out of your lip!! Oh yeah and gross, dirty, pink, ballet flats!

  20. Holy crap.. my word verification word was BACON!! is the whole damn world against my first day on a real diet???

  21. So glad you had a relatively uneventful trip home. I remember those days and sooo glad I'm over them! Can't wait to see the Amy Winehouse photo!
    Happy New Year!!!

  22. happy new year... my parents are packing up behind me right now and i know when they sit down on that plane tonight they will let out a HUGE phew... 16 days with my crazy boys and they are in need of a vacation...

    glad the trip home was a safe and successful one!!!


Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.