Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Another Effing NINE Hour Drive?!?

Seriously, if my parents weren't the absolute best in the world, there is no way I would keep making this atrocious drive. Even a state-of-the-art mom bomb, like my Toyota Sienna, can only take the edge off of the misery that three loud boys can inflict on each other and their parents during the course of a trip this long. Let me give you a little blow-by-blow of what I expect to happen tomorrow:

CC will settle into his seat, pop in a DVD of HIS choice... something like Pirates of the Caribbean or Indiana Jones. Totally inappropriate for the two younger boys. Destructo will yell from the third row, "MaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwM! THIS MOVIE SCARES ME!!!!!" I'll, in turn, yell at CC, "Could you be at least a little considerate of your brothers?" CC'll go, "Sheeesh! I never get to watch one of my movies... it's NOT FAIR!" And I'll be all like, Oh my f***ing GOD can we just get out of the driveway without a fight, people?!?! but instead of saying it, I'll just heave this huge passive/aggresive sigh.

And then I'll turn to my dear Daddy-007, who will be driving because he'll do anything to get out of the passenger seat that implies you are in charge of the children not the car, smile and reach into my bag, place the laptop on my lap, open it and then disappear into writing a post for tomorrow. :)

Braja and I are chronicling our "One Morning a Week" tomorrow, so check out her post which comes out in the evening at Lost and Found in India. I'll be back with my usual madness on the 31st.

Keep me in your prayers today as I endure the drive from Hell. Here is a video representation of my kids:


  1. I am *not* going to watch that video!! It'll scare me, I know it...

    Have a safe journey my lovely...

  2. Haven't watched the video - but maybe I should...

    We never go far with the kids in the car! They are very good, but I remember the hell we four kids put my own parents through...

  3. OK, I really need to kill that kid in the video. Is he supposed to be talking like Alvin the chipmonk?

  4. Did you say "mom Bomb"? How funny.

    Yeah. I have to say that my 3 years of driving 8 grown hungover, sleep deprived women around the country in a 15 passenger van has prepared me for anything that children can throw at me. Especially when their menstrual cycles all melded together into an overwhelming bitch force unleashed from deep dark hell.

    Don't get me wrong. I feel for you. I'm just saying. It could be worse :)

  5. Great effing post, Amy. Laughing out loud. xoxxo

  6. OK, I think that the video is way scarier than the movies you mentioned!! ESPECIALLY that scarey woman! Ha! Wonder what I look like when I "speak with calm authority" to my kids? Probably very similar! Ow! Fun post Amy, hope your prediction about the long ride is totally wrong!

  7. Were you ever advised by other know it all moms to administer Benedryl liberally before leaving the house?
    What? Is that bad? Yeah. uhm I would never do that!

  8. Sounds like hell on earth to me.
    And I know what you mean about snagging the driver's seat to get out of having to deal with the kids. My husband and I do it too and we only have one.

    Just plug in and disappear.

  9. That is one scarey video!!! When I became a mother I suddenly realized why my Irish Catholic mother used to make us say the rosary on every long car trip!!!!


Thoughts appreciated. Advice welcome. Douche-baggery scoffed at then deleted.